#JustLife, #Patreon, #WritingLife

Stuck in a writing slump (The Down&Out-side) …

I’m going to be honest with you, this week was a bit of a trial. I wasn’t sleeping well and even once that cleared up, I just couldn’t get back to my novel in a substantial way. I was much more beholden to any and everything Netflix this week. I guess last week’s marketing offensive must have drained me. Like most writers I’m an extroverted introvert, willing to share my innermost struggles on the page but in need of solitude when confronted with potential readers.
I’m struggling to find a balance that is conducive to a stable emotional state but doesn’t require me to sequester myself – because that way I’ll never get my fiction out there. I felt myself starting to resent this feeling of failure that crept in to my daily social media activities – trying to get people to check out my patreon page and hitting a wall of disinterest again and again – and I took it out on my novel. Bit by bit I built up this unwillingness to get back to it in a real way.
As of this writing I’m going back and forth with regards to my productivity. Yesterday was a good day, I wrote a passage I had been struggling with for a week. What this added attention and the resulting self-consciousness triggers is a certain type of paralysis that affects writers in particular – the fear of failure to live up to your own expectations. I love the story as I’ve written it so far and I’m afraid I’ll run out of steam, trying to reinvent the wheel with each new passage. I refuse to call this writer’s bloc because I’m not blocked, I’m just being an arse…
#JustLife, #Patreon, #WritingLife

My first week on Patreon (The Down&Out-side) …

This week was both a wonder and a disappointment. I don’t know what I was expecting… Actually I do – I was expecting to be alone here for at least a year and I’m not, so when I’m being objective I’ve far exceeded my expectations for my first week on patreon. But when am I ever objective – certainly not when I’m sitting in front of my notebook at night, looking at my patreon stats and social media accounts.
I have to constantly remind myself that the best promotion I can do for myself is to put out well-edited, high-quality content, and that is the most important thing. Twitter, Instagram and such are just ways to get the word out – they’re not the main event. And here is my tie in into my biggest struggle this week – self-promotion. I’m shit at it. I don’t know how to go about it and I’m afraid of getting on peoples’ nerves and I’m not confident that they’ll spend money on an unknown author – although I know my fiction can compete.
As a creator patreon sends you these emails that are supposed to be helpful but have been crushing my confidence in a major way. They’re full of examples of successful patreons that attracted hundreds of backers right out of the gate. But what if you have no platform? Is patreon even the right place to start out? But where else am I going to go? I want to believe in crowd-sourcing, even though I’ve no crowd yet. But as usual my faith is shaky. Unlike in life I am demanding a burning bush or some manna falling from the sky or at least a bird shitting on my shoulder.
And I hate myself for being greedy. I’ve got one patron already who believes in what I do and that is a HUGE deal. Patience is not my strong suit, you may have guessed. So I’m stressing out in a way that is so unnecessary it is laughable. My favourite hobby is psyching myself out. And I wasn’t even going to write this tell-all post but this is where my mind is at right now. All Kafka, all the time.
#Patreon, #WritingLife

Self-promotion is a four-letter word…

Did you know that Caith Esra Ulvar is writing stories on Patreon?!


Yes! It’s true! And you can sign up for just $1 – that’s ONE DOLLAR. 

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Honest to God, I’m not. It’s just ONE DOLLAR. ONE DOLLAR! ONE DOLLAR! Say it with me!

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Okay. So that didn’t work. I get it. You people need convincing… So don’t take it from me. Let’s hear some testimonials from satisfied readers… 

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“I used to just give my loose change to buskers. And I don’t even like music. Caith Esra Ulvar has given me a great way to get rid of those extra dollars. And I get a story!

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“I had so much loose change lying around. I had to spend all my vacation days on trips to Rome, just so I could dump my coins in the Trevi Fountain. All that starchy food seriously threw off my diet. But then I discovered Caith Esra Ulvar and guess what, my skinny jeans fit again. And I get a story!

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“Lugging all that loose change around gave me man-arms. One night in bed I accidentally flexed. My fiance was so intimidated, he called off the wedding. Now that I’m giving my extra dollars to Caith Esra Ulvar my muscle tone is way down and I’m dating again. And I get a story! Caith Esra Ulvar is all I read.”

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Thank you, Caith Esra Ulvar!

Now if that doesn’t convince you to sign up for a $1 patreon pledge, I don’t know what will. Hey why don’t you go to Caith Esra Ulvar’s patreon page right now. I’ll be waiting here for you while you sign up…

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Don’t be a change-horder. Spend a dollar on Caith Esra Ulvar. And during the first month you’ll get four stories for the price of one. That’s $1 (ONE DOLLAR) for four stories. That’s too good of a deal to be true – No, that’s exactly what you’ll get. That’s truly a killer deal! Let me repeat that – that deal is A-mazing!

So head on over to and claim your stories today!


(My patreon-button is bigger than yours 😉 )

#JustLife, #Patreon, #WritingLife

Notes from the Down & Out Pt. 2

This patreon launch is really eating me. I’ve one supporter who is a one man cheering squad, mind you. But I’m disheartened. Where there is one there’ll be many. If they all get into my stories with this much enthusiasm I’ve got it made. I’ve heard so many success stories. Heard of so many people who had dozens, hundreds of followers right out of the gate. I won’t be able to deliver that. I’ve no platform. Nobody gives a shit.

And they advice you to recruit your family to support you for the first few months – I cannot even tell them that I am doing this. There’ll be hell to pay. I’m too enmeshed. I need to get out of here. I’ve been thinking this a lot lately. But where am I supposed to go? I don’t know anyone and nobody knows me. All I ever do is write and now patreon.

And every once in a while I’ve a good feeling about this and every once in a while I want to hang myself. How am I supposed to find my people? I’m not a brand. I’m a feeling; the kind of feeling you cut yourself to escape. My stories are inconsequential. My stories are a wound that won’t heal. My guardians didn’t hug me nearly enough for me to handle frustration well, delay gratification. 

  • I’m afraid people won’t get what I’m doing.
  • I’m afraid those who do won’t find me.
  • I’m afraid they may not even try.

You’re not special princess… But my stories are. I want more readers/patrons for their sake. My characters ache to live in a multitude of minds. The most important thing about me are the stories I write. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t want a tribe. I want a fucking army.


As seen on Amanda Palmer…

I wrote this post roughly a week ago. Things have changed since then. And yet they haven’t. Same same but different.

I’m not usually someone who shares my emotional states with the world or anyone for that matter. I generally try to ignore that I might be feeling anything – it’s not me, it’s the way I was raised. But as I’ve said in an earlier post, lately I’ve spent some time listening to “The Art of Asking” by Amanda Palmer who arguably lives out loud on the internet; something that frightens me to no end. But she seems to get some much needed catharsis out of sharing her thoughts and weak moments with the people who love her work as well as the inevitable trolls that come with the kind of fame (and Kickstarter notoriety) she’s achieved. Given that I’m taking lots of pointers  from her work on how to connect with people through social media and find an audience who gets what you do, I might as well take the hint on this one – so here goes…

I’ve spent the last week building my online presence, getting ready to launch my What I didn’t expect was that the anticipation is stressing me out so much I spend all night grinding my teeth and wake up the next morning knackered as hell, unable to write. This, however, puts me in a bad position as I’m trying to create content in time for my launch and since I’m not publishing anywhere else I’d like to edit my writing to a proper standard before putting it out there for people to read. Perhaps even gift the entire novel to a few bloggers in exchange for a review. But I’m not getting anywhere with that in the current brain-foggy state that I’m in, which stresses me out more, which leads to more teeth-grinding and worse nights. I know there is such a thing as coffee but I’ve scars on my heart and it’s not a good idea for me to crank up the caffeine willy-nilly.

I’m not expecting this post to garner any solutions to my problem, nervous overload in the face of change is one of my least favourite hobbies. But perhaps just putting this out there will lift a little bit of that load I’ve been carrying around with me and grant me a reasonable night’s sleep…